


searching

by amaelamin



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, First Love, M/M, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-09-14 12:37:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9182161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaelamin/pseuds/amaelamin
Summary: ongoing twitter fic, threadheretaek and hyuk are the same age here, both 16. this started with me musing on how in high school taek played football and was apparently a 'jjang' and hyuk was one of the top students and very well-behaved.





	1. one

Four minutes. The restlessness in the classroom is reaching fever-pitch, the poor Chemistry teacher trying his best to finish his lesson amidst students practically fizzing in their seats, eyes firmly focused on the clock counting down the minutes to the end of class, the end of the school day, the end of the semester; and the start of summer break. The class president turns around in his chair to try to glare at the rest of his classmates - don't do this to Cho seonsaengnim, his expression threatens, but in four minutes he won't be class president anymore for the next one and half months. Oh, two minutes now.

Once the bell goes the class erupts in a deafening cheer and Sanghyuk sighs. Delinquents, all of them. One particular delinquent, a constant thorn in his side, sidles up to his table as kids stream out the doors. Sanghyuk looks up from packing his bag and raises an eyebrow; has Taekwoon been sucking on that lollipop the entire lesson?

Taekwoon raises a matching eyebrow at him and cracks the candy in his mouth, cheerfully obnoxious. Sanghyuk stands up, giving him an unimpressed look.

"I'm going to be at the beach tomorrow," Taekwoon says.

"So?" Sanghyuk answers, turning to go.

"So I'll see you there."

"Who says I'm going?" Sanghyuk has to retort, turning back to face Taekwoon.

"I just have a feeling," Taekwoon shrugs, pushing past Sanghyuk as if Sanghyuk's the one who's been keeping him from leaving. "Looking forward to it."

Sanghyuk stares at Taekwoon's retreating back, doubly unamused as Taekwoon throws up a peace sign above his head without turning back as if he knew Sanghyuk would be looking.

"Don't count on it!" Sanghyuk yells, too late, heart pounding a bit too fast.

*

Sanghyuk stesps onto the warm sand feeling like an undercover spy. He scans the people lying under umbrellas and on towels as well as in the water on high alert; under no circumstances can that Jung Taekwoon think Sanghyuk's at the beach for _him_. He's been dragged here by his sister and her friends, and usually he'd be all for a day of swimming and being lazy and eating junk food. But not today.

Sanghyuk chooses a spot furthest from the water to his sister's useless protests, waving her away as he burrows underneath their beach umbrella and puts on his shades and drapes a big towel over his head and shoulders despite the heat. He's not going to move from here - the less he walks around the higher his chances of going undetected.

His sister runs off with her friends to throw themselves into the sea once they come back from getting changed and dump all their stuff with him - the perks of having a younger brother, he thinks grumpily - and he settles back with his phone to play pokemon and hide.

A successfully incognito hour passes; two; and his sister and her friends finally tire of the water, stomachs growling. They order chicken, Sanghyuk showing enthusiasm for the first time today. However, of course he gets sent to retrieve it when the delivery guy arrives despite Sanghyuk's strongest arguments as to why he should stay and help guard their things from thieves and robbers; helplessly outvoted, Sanghyuk carefully crawls out from the umbrella and looks around before booking it for the park behind the beach. He'll find the delivery guy, grab the chicken, shove the money at him, and run back; statistically the less time spent out in the open the less time Taekwoon will have to spot him. As he jogs quickly towards the convenience store they told the delivery guy to wait at he thinks he might be overdoing it a bit; but then shakes his head. It's the _principle_ of the thing.

He's halfway back to his sister when he feels someone sling an arm easily around his shoulders, walking step in step with him; he turns in surprise and nearly flings the entire box of chicken at Taekwoon.

"You made it," Taekwoon says calmly, ignoring the utterly gobsmacked look on Sanghyuk's face. He gestures at the chicken. "Give me some."

*

Sanghyuk screeches to a halt the moment he steps into the classroom. First: the wave of hot air that greets him when it should have been sweetly cool and airconditioned; second; the boy (surprisingly) sutting in the very front seat with a lollipop in his mouth.

"I didn't know you were failing Bio too, class president," Taekwoon says around the sweet, and Sanghyuk grits his teeth. He sits down a desk away and pointedly ignores Taekwoon, but Taekwoon isn't cooperating.

"Want to go swimming later? The public pool is free today."

"No," Sanghyuk says, wondering why Taekwoon is acting like they're friends, especially given how he'd rudely shaken him off at the beach the other day. "No, I don't."

"Hmm," Taekwoon merely hums, and for some reason that annoys Sanghyuk even more.

The teacher arrives, the minutes pass, and Sanghyuk takes off his blazer. Sweat is beginning to run down the side of his face. Taekwoon takes out a little fan from his bag and begins flapping it at himself, the wind generated making his soft hair fluff. Sanghyuk tears his eyes away, aggravated. The room just seems to get hotter and hotter, teacher oblivious; Sanghyuk wipes his brow in distress.

"Ssaem, can't we change classrooms to one that has a working aircon?" he asks finally, boiling inside his shirt buttoned up with the school tie on. Taekwoon, Sanghyuk notes, hasn't even bothered to put his on. Typical.

"All the other classrooms are full," the teacher replies, and turns back to the whiteboard. Sanghyuk is _dying_. Taekwoon motions to him, trying to get his attention, and Sanghyuk turns a glare on him. Taekwoon, unperturbed, mimes taking off his tie and unbuttoning the top few buttons. Sanghyuk stares, utterly scandalised.

"Swimming. Pool," Taekwoon whispers to him, and Sanghyuk wants to cry at the thought of cool water enveloping him, the relief feeling like heaven.

Somehow they make it through the one hour of class, and Sanghyuk bursts out of the hell furnace classroom with his hair damp and sticking to his forehead and neck and shirt plastered to his back, fanning himself with his hands desperately. Taekwoon leans against the wall outside their classroom, still sucking on his lollipop, looking for all the world like he waits for Sanghyuk just like this after class every day.

"What?" Sanghyuk asks flatly.

"We're going to the pool, right?" Taekwoon answers.

Sanghyuk opens his mouth to fire off a cutting reply but once more he's assailed by the thought of cool, cool water; he hesitates with his mouth open, like an idiot.

"What are we going to wear?" he says finally.

"Gym shorts. You have a spare in your locker, don't you?"

*

Taekwoon takes off at a run and throws himself into the water - it's not a very graceful dive, truth be told, and for a moment Sanghyuk is legitimately afraid for a nearby group of tiny kids bobbing about in their floats should one of Taekwoon's freakishly long flailing limbs hit one of them on the way in. But he drowns no one, not least of all himself.

Taekwoon surfaces - rather dramatically like the little mermaid, Sanghyuk thinks - and shakes the water out of his eyes, peering around for Sanghyuk.

"What are you waiting for!" he yells and Sanghyuk has to stop and wonder for a moment. How did he get here again?

He backs up a bit and cannonballs himself into the pool, and the first thing he sees when he stands up and wipes the water out of his eyes is Taekwoon smiling hugely at him, a thing he's never seen before in all his years of being classmates with Taekwoon. He's seen Taekwoon smirk and scoff and glare but never smile openly this way; Taekwoon quickly covers his face with his hands when he notices Sanghyuk staring.

The water really does feel like heaven, and Sanghyuk finds himself glad he let himself be persuaded to come. They compete at doing laps and holding their breath underwater and try to do synchronised swimming moves; a group of girls nearby start giggling at them and both of them, redfaced, retreat to the further end of the pool.

"You're actually pretty alright," Sanghyuk tells Taekwoon eventually, finally on their way home with wet hair and schoolbags slung over their shoulders.

"Did you think I wasn't?" Taekwoon asks, and Sanghyuk immediately backpedals.

"Well. You sleep in class and you don't always hand in your work and you get into fights-"

"People pick fights with me. I just defend myself."

"Why are people picking fights with you then?"

"My mother says it's my face."

Sanghyuk snorts, and then stops when he realises Taekwoon is serious. "Your face?"

"Yeah. She says I look scary. She always tells me to just avoid eye contact with people I don't know."

"Well-" Sanghyuk makes a sympathetic face. "I can see why she says that."

"I'm not like you. Everybody wants to be friends with you."

Sanghyuk looks at Taekwoon out of the corner of his eye, Taekwoon clearly trying to act nonchalant.

"Well - well, we can be friends," Sanghyuk blurts out, and hopes from the bottom of his heart he isn't going to regret this. "Today was a lot of fun. I think we can be friends."

Taekwoon looks at him in surprise, and there it is - another smile.

Sanghyuk smiles back.

*

"Pool as usual?" Taekwoon asks as they put away their Biology textbooks - classroom aircon thankfully fixed by now so they no longer have to live the casually dying in a furnace life - and Sanghyuk hears the note of uncertainty in Taekwoon's voice carefully disguised by practiced nonchalance, and wonders why he never noticed it before. Sanghyuk wonders how things will be once summer break is over adn regular school starts and they fall back into their usual routines, usual images; only two weeks away.

"Liquid water is so last season," Sanghyuk waves a dismissive hand at Taekwoon, who gives him a confused look. "Solid water is where it's at now."

"...Ice?"

"Skating rink!" Sanghyuk tells Taekwoon excitedly. "You can skate, right?"

"Sure," Taekwoon grins and answers after a beat, and Sanghyuk discovers just how big of a liar Taekwoon is once they're bundled up and laced into their skates, and Taekwoon is clinging to the side bannister, awkward gazelle legs threatening to slide out from under him at any moment.

"Why did you say you could skate?" Sanghyuk demands with his hands on his hips.

"I can skate!" Taekwoon answers defensively. "I just haven't done it for a really long time."

Sanghyuk holds out his hands to Taekwoon, and between reluctantly letting go of the bannister and moving the fifty centimetres or so closer to Sanghyuk to grab hold of him Taekwoon's legs and balance betray him dramatically. He lands painfully on his butt after a tense moment of flailing, the sound of the impact making several other - much younger and miles more confident - skaters turn around to look. Sanghyuk doesn't notice because of the tears in his eyes from laughing so hard he feels like he's going to bust a lung.

"Take your time helping me up," Taekwoon glares as Sanghyuk wheezes, leaving Taekwoon to struggle to his feet on his own.

"'I can skate'," Sanghyuk mimics, and then nearly falls over himself in a fresh bout of giggling.

"Shut up, this isn't fucking _Yuri on Ice_ here," Taekwoon mutters, and Sanghyuk's head snaps up.

"You watch _Yuri on Ice_?" he asks, breathless, and cool high school jjang Taekwoon blanches.

"Uh. Not really. If I have nothing better to do - I mean, my sisters-"

"I can't wait to see Yuri and Yurio face off in Russia!"

"Oh my god," Taekwoon grabs Sanghyuk's hands, all chill forgotten. "Either way whoever loses it's going to be so bad."

"Viktor's clearly not leaving Yuri now though, not after the last episode," Sanghyuk says confidently, and at once both of them think of the dramatic Viktor-Yuri kiss on the ice, and then look down at their clasped hands and faces close together. They quickly let go, Taekwoon feeling his cheeks heat up as Sanghyuk skates backwards a little, pretending to be absorbed in the texture of the ice surface.

"You remind me a little of Yurio, actually," Sanghyuk says after a short pause, grinning. "You're not as badass as you seem."

"Is that a compliment or an insult?" Taekwoon mutters, letting Sanghyuk take him by the hands once more and slowly move him forward, concentrating hard on not falling on his butt again.

"Yurio's my favourite character," Sanghyuk says lightly, and then goes on to tease Taekwoon about the crab-like way he's moving.

 _Favourite character,_ Taekwoon thinks. _Favourite character._

*

"Hey, Kim Yuna, what do you want to eat?"

Taekwoon glares at Sanghyuk who isn't looking at him but has a telltale smile playing about his mouth as he studies the menu. Taekwoon kicks him under the table.

"I want cheese ramyun," Sanghyuk muses as he casually kicks Taekwoon back. "But also tonkatsu. And kimbap."

 _It's too easy _,__ Taekwoon thinks. _ _Too comfortable.__ Friend-making, in his experience, has very rarely been like this, but when school opens and they have to fall back into their assigned roles in the complicated, essential social hierarchy maybe Sanghyuk won't even acknowledge him anymore. Perfect class president and student council member with tons of friends, popular among both girls and boys - and then there's Taekwoon with his dubious reputation. Suspended from the football team because of his last fight - which he didn't even start - who ever heard of a friendship like this?

Sanghyuk is jiggling his arm, and Taekwoon snaps out of it. "What?"

"Let's share a tonkatsu."

"Sure."

Sanghyuk makes a little happy sound and Taekwoon clears his throat. "Want to watch a movie tomorrow?"

"Ah, I can't. I promised Namjoo I'll have dinner at her house."

Taekwoon blinks. "At her house?"

"Yeah. Apparently her mother's cooking galbi just for me so I can't miss it."

Taekwoon nods and leans back, pretending to check his phone. So. Sanghyuk and Namjoo. He had no idea they were a thing - and he fights against the disappointment he can't help but feel. Of course Sanghyuk isn't going to drop dinner with his girlfriend for someone he only just became friends with - but emotions are very rarely rational.

"I can make it the night after though. Is your mother a good cook? Mine is. You can come over to eat if you want. Or we can go out, too. Anything you like."

Taekwoon looks up in surprise, the emotions rollercoaster suddenly taking an upturn. "Have dinner.. with your family?"

"Sure. My mum would be happy to have someone else over now my noona's at college and staying on campus. She'll probably ask you to stay over, too." Sanghyuk pauses abruptly, like he's just realised what he said, and Taekwoon wonders in agony if Sanghyuk even wants that - staying over is no small thing, something Taekwoon thought only really close friends did. They've been getting along well so far but really - they don't truly know anything about each other, and what if Sanghyuk regrets it, what if they have a disagreement, what if he's awkward or upsets Sanghyuk somehow -

"I mean, you don't have to stay over. We're not eight years old, it isn't a playdate," Sanghyuk laughs, and Taekwoon doesn't know what to say. "But if you do we can go night cycling. You like these things, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do," Taekwoon manages to get out. "You - you're okay with me staying over?"

Sanghyuk gives him a quick smile-laugh and calls out to order, and Taekwoon tries to take a deep breath to calm his jangling nerves.

*

"I'm really sorry," Taekwoon apologises yet again, in agony ever since he'd opened his big fat mouth at the dinner table and Sanghyuk's jaw had dropped so fast his bite of food had nearly fallen right out of his mouth.

"So how was galbi night at Namjoo's place yesterday?" Sanghyuk's mother asked. "Not as good as mine, right?"

"Mum," Sanghyuk rolled his eyes and scooped up a big spoonful of rice.

"You're lucky both your mother and your girlfriend's mother can cook well," Taekwoon said, proud of himself for coming up with the subtle compliment disguised as general conversation-making. He wasn't expecting the twin looks of surprise Sanghyuk's parents gave him, however, nor the strangled dying-chicken noise Sanghyuk made.

"Girlfriend?!" Sanghyuk's mother squealed, clasping her hands in front of her in delight. "Hyukkie, you never said anything about this-"

"She's not my girlfriend!" Sanghyuk exclaimed in distress though rather muffled around the mouthful he was furiously trying to chew and swallow.

"Sanghyuk, don't you think you and Namjoo are rather young for this kind of thing?" Sanghyuk's father asked, putting down his chopsticks and frowning a little.

"We're not - Namjoo and I aren't together!"

Sanghyuk, Sanghyuk's father and Sanghyuk's mother all turned to look at Taekwoon, who'd frozen to the spot blushing deep red to the roots of his hair.

"I - I - i'm sorry, I must have misunderstood-"

"Yes, you did!" Sanghyuk agreed emphatically. "Namjoo and I are not dating. Or will ever be dating."

"Good," Sanghyuk's father said and resumed eating, only to be hit on the arm by his wife.

"Why on earth is it good? They'd be so perfect for each other-"

Taekwoon fidgets in the middle of Sanghyuk's room, watching Sanghyuk drag both hands down his face.

"My mum will never shut up about this now. She and Namjoo's mother are best friends and that brat and I grew up together, so she's always been hoping something would develop, I guess."

"You call her 'that brat'?" Taekwoon asks, laughing weakly.

"Well, she is," Sanghyuk shrugs. "She's probably my best friend. But she's still a brat."

"So you guys are just really close?"

Taekwoon feels stupid standing there like this not knowing what to do with his hands or his entire awkward self, but Sanghyuk doesn't seem to be mad at him and that's the most important thing. And - Taekwoon doesn't want to examine this frightening, small feeling of relief too closely, not yet - Sanghyuk isn't dating Namjoo.

"Yeah, I can't get rid of her no matter what I do," Sanghyuk says, grinning at last. "Look, don't worry about it. You should just treat me to lunch like for the next two weeks of something to make up for all the stress my mother is going to give me over this. Here, do you want to shower and change? I'll get you a towel."

Sanghyuk presses a big blue sports towel into Taekwoon's hands, and Taekwoon gets a whiff of the nice-smelling fabric softener fragrance he can now recognise on all Sanghyuk's clothes and uniforms, a scent he's now come to think as specially Sanghyuk's own.

"I'll load a game for us to play when you're done. I bet you're terrible at games, aren't you?"

"I'm really good!" Taekwoon protests to Sanghyuk's laughter. "I'll show you."

"I live in anticipation," Sanghyuk smirks. "Go bathe."

*

"You snore," is the first thing Taekwoon says the next morning, grumpy-faced and whiny as Sanghyuk peers up at him from the spare mattress he'd slept on, giving Taekwoon his bed. "You didn't tell me you snore."

"I snore," Sanghyuk says unrepentantly, rubbing his eyes sleepily and stretching. "Good morning."

Taekwoon sits up in a daze, barely able to get any sleep the night before. He blinks blearily, catching sight of Sanghyuk's game console and cringes internally. Sanghyuk's going to gloat about beating him at every single game they'd played for weeks.

For weeks - Taekwoon stills. School's opening soon, and then what?

"Will we still be friends once summer's over?" he blurts out, normal verbal filter still not engaged yet, and immediately wants to take it back. He cringes for real this time as Sanghyuk rolls back over to look at him in sleepy surprise.

"Why not?"

"I mean-" Taekwoon tries, but his mouth, so good at running itself, now doesn't want to work. "You and I - you know."

"This secret affair has to end sometime, you mean?" Sanghyuk rumbles, amused. "I can't be seen being friends with a delinquent who gets into fights and looks like he'll cut anyone who looks at him wrong?"

"Yeah," Taekwoon answers in a small voice, and Sanghyuk looks taken aback by his serious reply.

"Don't be stupid," Sanghyuk says eventually. "You think too much."

"Your friends won't like it," Taekwoon says anxiously.

"Me being friendly with you? They're not like that," Sanghyuk frowns. "Why do you think everyone dislikes you? You're just not easy to get to know. If you made friends with everyone the way you tirelessly pursued me you'll be super popular in no time."

"I didn't tirelessly pursue you," Taekwoon protests. "Don't say it like that."

"Okay, weirdo. All I'm saying is give people a chance to get to know you."

Taekwoon is quiet for a while in which time Sanghyuk falls off to sleep again. A dramatic snore escapes him and Taekwoon extends a foot to nudge him in the small of his back.

"Bzuh?"

"We didn't go night cycling."

"We can go after-breakfast cycling, then," Sanghyuk mumbles. "Are you going to tell me you're really good at cycling too?"

Sanghyuk still has his eyes closed, which is why he misses the offended look Taekwoon gives him.

"I'm really good at a lot of things!"

"Sure."

*

Taekwoon lays still in Sanghyuk's bed surrounded by his scent and dubiously serenaded by the sound of Sanghyuk snoring away on the mattress on the floor. Oh no. Oh, why this.

Taekwoon bites his lip. Maybe he's mistaken - it's far too soon to be sure. It's only been weeks; but he knows the unmistakable pull he's felt for far longer than that. Perfect class president Han Sanghyuk who's unexpectedly failing Biology; who yells and laughs and goofs off readily outside of class but is they very picture of responsibility when teachers are around - Taekwoon can't help but smile at that. If only the teachers knew what model student Sanghyuk is really like.

'Tirelessly pursued', Sanghyuk had said. Taekwoon squeezes his eyes shut in embarrassment. He still doesn't know where he found the courage for that. How is he supposed to sleep?

 _Normalcy,_ Taekwoon thinks. _Girls. Pretty girls with long hair and nice laughs and kind eyes. Not too-big class presidents with huge feet and a penchant for making fun of Taekwoon._

Why this.

Maybe when school starts it might not be a bad idea for them to fall back into their old ways; recluse Taekwoon and popular Sanghyuk, on different sides of an uncrossable valley.

*

Taekwoon pulls up one sock and tugs on his ear before lining up his shot, eyes flicking quickly between the ball and the bars of the goalpost, trying to decide which way to trick the goalkeeper into diving. He decides, launches into his run-up, and the shout comes right as his leg is in the middle of its downswing towards the ball -

"Jung Taekwoon fighting!!"

\- and he completely flubs the shot. The ball goes wide, bouncing away lamely, and Taekwoon himself nearly overbalances and stumbles, body feeling hot and cold at once at the recognition of whose voice it is.

"Are you that easily distracted?" Coach yells at him, and Taekwoon does everything in his power not to look over at Sanghyuk seated in the bleachers.

Taekwoon quickly jobs over once Coach declares a water break and sees to his satisfaction at least that Sanghyuk has the grace to look embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," he pleads when Taekwoon arrives, looking up at Sanghyuk seated on the third tier of the bleachers so that he has to look down and raise his voice slightly. "I didn't mean to distract you and make you get yelled at."

Taekwoon is trying to play it cool and not start beaming like an idiot, and he's not exactly sure what his face is doing as a compromise between the two.

"Why are you here?"

"First practice back after your suspension, right? I got curious. I wanted to see how you play."

"To see if there's anything I'm actually good at?" Taekwoon asks, deadpan, and Sanghyuk breaks into a grin.

"Why do you do that?" Pull up your right sock and then pull on your left ear. Every time before you take a shot on goal."

"Oh," Taekwoon's hand immediately lifts to his ear, and he deliberately makes himself drop his arm. "Just a stupid habit. I got used to it and now - I dunno, I feel weird not doing it."

"You're strangely cute, Jung Taekwoon," Sanghyuk says, getting to his feet and missing the spasm of shy pleasure that crosses Taekwoon's face. "I've got study group now. What time does practice end?"

"Uh. Six? Six-thirty, maybe."

"'Kay, I should be done by then too. Stop missing shots, I'll see you later."

"Oh, okay," Taekwoon says, surprised, as Sanghyuk walks off. "Why?"

"Go home together, duh," Sanghyuk says over his shoulder without stopping, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh," Taekwoon replies, but too soft for Sanghyuk to hear - he feels a full-body blush coming on.

Day one of the new semester, and Taekwoon had no idea what to expect: but Sanghyuk is making it clear they are friends now and truth be told, Taekwoon had been predicting much more surprise and skepticism from their classmates than had actually happened. He is already in a group with Sanghyuk for English class and doing a project with him for Chemistry - Taekwoon is floored, to say the least. Sanghyuk's friends had smiled at him.

 _Give people a chance to get to know you_ ; Taekwoon thinks of Sanghyuk's words, and hesitantly picks up a waterbottle from the big cooler on his way back to the rest of the team stretching in the shade. He grits his teeth and offers it to Donghyun, another boy his year he's never really spoken to but always personally thought was an alright person; not rowdy or loud and smiles a lot. He noticed earlier Donghyun hadn't brought his usual tumbler, and thrusts the bottle of water out towards him wordlessly, deeply hoping that Donghyun takes it and doesn't act weird about it in front of all their teammates or Taekwoon will have to quit football permanently.

"Wha- oh? Thanks!" Donghyun smiles so brightly Taekwoon is taken aback for a moment. He smiles back quickly and then bends over in a stretch to hide his flushed face. That was.. stupidly easy.

Taekwoon takes a few breaths before he allows himself to look up again.

"You're in the class next to me, right?" Donghyun asks him, shifting closer to him to talk. "We used to share PE period but then the timetable got changed."

"Yeah," Taekwoon answers, blinking in surprise, and Donghyun begins to rattle on about PE and their teachers and then -

"Did you really punch that guy - what's his name? I only know him as Seulhye's boyfriend. Did you?"

Taekwoon tenses up immediately, not blind to the fact that the other guys around them have gone quieter in order to listen in.

"He hit me first," Taekwoon mumbles, heart sinking. They all really do think I'm just some troublemaker, he thinks.

"Good," Donghyun says firmly. "I mean, not good he hit you, but good you hit him back. He deserves it."

"He used to bully me in middle school," the boy next to Donghyun pipes up, complaining. "I was honestly happy to hear someone beat him up. He's so horrible."

"Did you really beat him up? Not just punch him back?" Another boy Taekwoon recognises as Donghyun's friend - Minho - chimes in. "He's so tall. And I heard he's part of a gang-"

"Violence is not the answer," their captain intones, face zen and serious but eyes twinkling. "All of you are hooligans."

Taekwoon gradually finds himself the centre of a group of boys all talking to him like it's the most natural thing in the world; smiling at him and laughing and teasing and asking questions, building off his answers and including him in the conversation. Taekwoon is rather speechless, but struggling to keep up.

Sanghyuk will be be proud of me, Taekwoon thinks, the most important thing on his mind at the moment. He'll be so proud of me.

*

"Are you nervous?" Sanghyuk asks Taekwoon, nearly bouncing on the balls of his feet and looking way more anxious than Taekwoon feels. Taekwoon shakes his head and enjoys the admiring look Sanghyuk gives him. It's not bravado - football is much more easily understood and navigated than high school and teenage life in general.

The bleachers have all but filled up - the noise of the excited students and the rival school's cheer team - they actually brought drums with them - are slightly too loud for Taekwoon, but it's par for the course. Sanghyuk had to rush back from extra tuition, but he's here now and that's all that matters.

"How does it go?" Sanghyuk is saying, and he reaches out to tug gently on Taekwoon's left ear and bends down to pull up Taekwoon's right sock. He straightens, grinning, and Taekwoon's heart stops beating, completely caught by surprise. "Is that right? Your good luck habit?"

"Y-yeah," Taekwoon ducks his head, not wanting Sanghyuk to see him blush. "I have to - now-"

"Oh, sorry!" Sanghyuk gives him a little push in the direction of his other teammates who are already starting their drills and jogs off to find his friends in the mess of students. For a moment Taekwoon realised he's been trying to drink from a firmly capped bottle, wondering why no water is coming out.

Taekwoon forces himself to get his head in the game, but it's hard when half his concentration is centred on a boy sitting in the stands, and even harder when that one boy yells out his name in encouragement. Taekwoon thinks of that one time in practice Sanghyuk had done that and made him miss his shot by a mile; and prays desperately Sanghyuk doesn't do it again today. Their school really needs this win, and Taekwoon's newfound infant camaraderie with his teammates makes him badly want to help give them a boost in to the next round. Donghyun gives him a slap on the back and a smile, and Taekwoon smiles back. He feels like he's part of a team for the first time ever.

Forward one and a half tense hours later and Taekwoon is yelling and joining in the pile of grossly sweaty, muddy boys in the centre of the pitch celebrating their close win. His teammates are grabbing and hugging him in their elation - it was a hard-fought win, to be sure, and Taekwoon feels for the dejected opposing team players trooping off the field, but for now - someone tackles him to the ground and Taekwoon has the breath knocked out of him. Taekwoon blinks to see a beaming Sanghyuk on top of him, hitting him in his high spirits, having been at the forefront of the spectators running onto the field to celebrate.

"It's just - the second round, not the final," Taekwoon says breathlessly, wondering why Sanghyuk is so happy, but getting lost in the look of sheer joy on Sanghyuk's face.

"You were amazing!" Sanghyuk yells at him and Taekwoon pushes Sanghyuk off, laughing and laughing.

"You fucking watch out, number eleven!" comes the shout, and everybody turns to look at the rival team's wingback glaring at Taekwoon angrily. "I know Seunggi!"

"Who's Seunggi?" Sanghyuk asks Taekwoon once the wingback has been dragged away by his own teammates and shouted down by Taekwoon's own fellow players. "Don't worry about it, he's just sore about losing. Must be mad about you getting past him so many times, LOSER!" Sanghyuk raises his voice in the wingback's direction. Taekwoon just shakes his head and gets off the ground.

*

"Wanna get lunch?" Sungjae asks, and Sanghyuk pauses in his bag-packing, glancing quickly at Taekwoon.

"Oh, I'm - I'm already going with Taekwoon, you wanna come along?"

"Again?" Sungjae frowns slightly, not bothering to hide his confrontational tone. "When is it just going to be us two?"

Panic steals over Sanghyuk for some reason, knowing how much time he's been spending with Taekwoon and how much of that time used to be Sungjae's. "Don't be like that, come on - tomorrow? Tomorrow we can have lunch, just us-"

"You know I can't on Thursdays," Sungjae mutters, slinging his bag onto one shoulder. "Nice try, though."

Sanghyuk watches his best friend leave, mouth hanging open helplessly. This is bad. This is ridiculous. Sungjae never gets sulky like this, but he knows just how much he's been neglecting Sungjae for Taekwoon. Neglecting everyone for Taekwoon, to be exact.

Taekwoon comes up to him, ready to leave together, and Sanghyuk looks at him with new eyes.

-

"You never told me who Seunggi is," Sanghyuk says as they walk home slowly, golden hour making everything pretty. Taekwoon makes a face and doesn't reply, and Sanghyuk pokes him. He's getting good at reading Taekwoon's silences now, and sometimes what he doesn't say says as much as the things he actually voices.

"Is he someone who picked a fight with you?"

A nod.

"Where is he from?"

"Another school."

"Why did that guy say he knew Seunggi as if it was a threat?"

Taekwoon looks at Sanghyuk pleadingly, but Sanghyuk doesn't budge.

"He's in a gang," Taekwoon says finally, and then glares at Sanghyuk as if daring him to say anything, but Sanghyuk is already taking a deep breath in.

"A gang? Taekwoon, what does that mean? Is that guy going to come after you now? We have to tell someone!"

"Hyukkie," Taekwoon says firmly, and Sanghyuk is brought up short. Taekwoon's never called him that before. "It was just a threat. He was angry and he was saying whatever. It doesn't mean anything."

"But-"

"I'm really excited for the next game," Taekwoon says, and Sanghyuk scowls at how stubborn Taekwoon can be. "If we win that we're through to the quarterfinals. Everyone says we can win. I think we can. And Coach - Coach says he's thinking of making me starting striker."

"Well," Sanghyuk gives in, seeing Taekwoon almost quietly glowing with pride. "Of all the things you have ever told me you're good at, football truly is one of them."

"I know," Taekwoon replies, and Sanghyuk has to laugh.

"So when's the match? You should give me one of your spare jerseys so I can wear it to the game," Sanghyuk answers without thinking, and Taekwoon turns and stares at him.

"Uh, because - you're my friend, and I'm there to support you-" Sanghyuk says too quickly, too flustered, and Taekwoon blinks fast and looks away. Sanghyuk bites his bottom lip, wanting to hit himself in the head. Fucking stupid-

"What colour?"

"What?"

"What colour?" Taekwoon repeats, not meeting Sanghyuk's eyes. "I have two spare ones, one home and one away. The home one is green and the away is red. Which do you want?"

"Uh. Uh. Is it a home or away game? I'll wear the one you're wearing? To - to match the whole team."

"Red then," Taekwoon says, nodding.

"Yeah, sure," Sanghyuk answers, desperately wanting to run away. They continue walking, and Sanghyuk would have to be oblivious or crazy to not feel how awkward it is between them now; and he's neither of those things. He shouldn't have opened his mouth. He shouldn't have said anything.

-

Sanghyuk turns to glance hopefully at Taekwoon's empty seat, and then back at the clock at the front of the classroom. Taekwoon's more than an hour late for school. He didn't text to say he was sick or anything - and more than that, the game is today. Taekwoon's jersey is sitting in Sanghyuk's bad like a hot potato, and every time Sanghyuk opens his bag to take out a book or file he catches sight of it and his stomach starts doing flipflops. Sanghyuk tries to concentrate through lessons until break, when he sneaks a peek at his phone. nothing - no messages. He walks to the cafeteria with Sungjae and a few other kids, but makes a beeline for Donghyun by the vending machines the second Sanghyuk sees him.

"Hey - I'm Sanghyuk, Taekwoon's friend." Donghyuk immediately scowls, confusing Sanghyuk. Taekwoon had spoken of Donghyun as a friend.

"Uh, do you have any idea where he is? You guys have that game today, right, and-"

"You don't know?" Donghyun bites out. "He's been suspended. Fighting again. Should have known, right? He's always been that type. Can't be trusted."

Sanghyuk just stares at Donghyun for a few moments. "Suspended? When?"

"Yesterday. They were all caught right outside school. Look, I gotta go, so.."

Sanghyuk lets him go, nodding absently in shock. Suspended, missing today's game. Suspended for fighting.

He fumbles in his pocket for his phone. Not a single message from Taekwoon - nothing to say what happened, nothing about how long he'll be away from school -

_I heard you got suspended. I'm coming over to your house after school._

_*_

Sanghyuk stops a moment outside Taekwoon's apartment and takes a deep breath. He's angry, and he's disappointed, and he's confused, and a Sanghyuk that's all of these three things together isn't the best Sanghyuk to confront a Jung Taekwoon who isn't returning his calls of messages. Another deep breath, and Sanghyuk presses the doorbell.

When Taekwoon's mother opens the door Sanghyuk is struck by how much of Taekwoon he can see in her face - the small mouth and soft cheeks - and he has to make himself smile and introduce himself properly.

"-and I have his homework, so.. would it be okay if I came in to give it to him?" Sanghyuk lies smoothly, but Taekwoon's mother purses her lips.

"I'm sorry, Sanghyuk, but - Taekwoon doesn't want to see anybody. You can give me his homework and I'll pass it to him?"

Sanghyuk stops himself from frowning just in time. "But I need to explain some things about the homework to him. Uh, why doesn't he want to see anybody? We're quite close-"

"He told me specifically not to let you in," she says apologetically, lowering her voice. "I'm sorry, Sanghyuk. Maybe he'll be ready to see you in a few days."

Sanghyuk stands outside the door even once it's closed in a small fury, unable to believe what he just heard. He makes up his mind and stomps away to the lift, taking out his phone on the way. Messaging and calling doesn't work, but Sanghyuk very dearly needs to yell at Taekwoon - Sanghyuk opens their kakaotalk chat and presses the 'voice record' function and then inhales, inflating with indignance.

'You TOLD your MOTHER not to let ME in? Good. So you knew I would come all the way to your HOUSE to see you and find out what the FUCK is going on and yet you still thought you would block me out? YOU OWE ME 2300 WON IN BUSFARE!"

Sanghyuk walks out of the lift once it reaches the ground floor and marches straight over to the carpark. He needs space to pace.

"So you got in a fight. Okay. And you got suspended. Okay. But you don't think I'm - I'm worth the time or effort to give me a decent explanation? It was Seunggi, wasn't it. You're an idiot for engaging with him but. BUT. I'm on your side?? I know you're not just some idiot who cannot control himself and starts fights everywhere??"

Sanghyuk looks up and sees two aunties stopped in their tracks apprehensively watching him, and realises that he's waving his free hand agitatedly and pacing manically - also standing in between them and their lift, so he takes himself elsewhere with a burst of frustration. "You're making me look like a crazy person down here you know that? Talking into my phone when I should be talking to YOU. TO YOU, YOU IDIOT. Do you have any - ANY idea how scary it was to not see you in class with no explanation or warning from you? ON THE DAY OF THE GAME?? Your team lost, by the way. Which you probably know. Which is also probably why you're hiding 'cos you think me and your teammates all hate you. Yeah, I know you better than you think. Guess what?? If you had just TOLD THEM like if you had just TOLD ME what was going on nobody would have to jump to conclusions??"

Sanghyuk drops his hand and sighs deep and long, letting his head drop back so his face turns up towards the sky. This is useless. He has no idea if Taekwoon is even going to listen to these messages.

"Look. Just tell me what happened, okay? I'm worried about you. Things have been going well, and - I-" Sanghyuk bites his lip. The words are there on the tip of his tongue.

"I mi- just, just call me, alright?"

*

"I mi- just, just call me, alright?"  
"I mi- just, just call me, alright?"  
"I mi- just, just call me, alright?"  
"I mi- just, just call me, alright?"

Taekwoon presses the 'play' button on Sanghyuk's last voice message to him once more and then lets the phone slip from his fingers onto his stomach. Sanghyuk wasn't going to say 'I miss you'. It was probably going to be 'I mean'.

Taekwoon carefully turns over onto his left side, his right ribs too bruised to lie on, and for what is likely the thousandth time rips into himself for not being able to just walk away. They would have beaten him up anyway, sure, but at least the teacher who had caught them wouldn't have seen Taekwoon fighting back. He should have just curled up into a ball and taken it and not given them what they wanted.

_But you would have still been too hurt to play the game that day, a voice whispers in his head. The team would still have lost. They would still blame you._

_Who do you think you are, that you're the team's only chance of winning?_ A different voice says, and Taekwoon carefully closes his eyes and tries to take a deep breath. _You were expecting to be the hero that day, show off for Sanghyuk, and have everyone love you. See where you are now?_

His knuckles are bruised. He's got bad abrasions along his right cheek and deep purple blooming over his left browbone, his left eye almost swollen shut. It hurts to stretch. He's had to eat only soup and porridge because the inside of his mouth is cut, sliced open on his own teeth during the punches to his face. Sanghyuk definitely cannot see him like this.

The thought of Sanghyuk, excited and ready to wear Taekwoon's jersey to the game, looking over at Taekwoon's empty seat and getting more confused and upset the longer Taekwoon's silence held out - Taekwoon's throat abruptly constricts. Sanghyuk is a boy. He's a boy, and Taekwoon is a boy, and things are messed up enough without having his feelings for Sanghyuk to add to the rquation; his football team hates him and by now his whole year should know he's been suspended for fighting yet again. He should never have made friends with Sanghyuk. He should have kept his head down as he's always done and let people think and say whatever they wanted about him.

His phone buzzes twice right on time, and Taekwoon is almost too scared to look. It's from Sanghyuk - Taekwoon's heart speeds up as usual when he gets messages from Sanghyuk, but especially so this time since he's not sure if he's going to be yelled at again.

He can leave them unopened.

He looks at the phone and the phone lays there mutely. Minutes pass and no other message follows the first the first two - what did Sanghyuk send him? Long typed texts? More voice messages? Short ones that say nothing but 'fuck you'?

Taekwoon gives in on a rushed exhale and opens them and forces himself to look - his stomach, if he were standing, would have swooped. It's a picture of Sanghyuk's back view, wearing his jersey, face turned slightly back towards the camera. The lighting isn't very good and Taekwoon can see Sanghyuk's bed and wardrobe and desk behind him in the shot, Taekwoon's brain focusing on all the little details in order to distract himself from how Sanghyuk looks wearing Taekwoon's own jersey.

_It fits just nice. Looking forward to wearing it at your next game, you fucking idiot._

Taekwoon has a strange moment where his emotions can't decide in which direction to go, and he lets out a short laugh the same time his eyes fill up. The tears are warm as they slide slowly down his face, and Taekwoon carefully wipes them away, conscious of his swollen eye.

 _My next game is a home one,_ Taekwoon types in reply. _You will be wearing the wrong colour. If I'm even still on the team._

 _SO YOU'RE NOT DEAD_ comes the immediate reply and Taekwoon tries hard not to smile too widely, more tears pooling on his pillow like a sap. _I'M COMING OVER TMR TO BEAT YOU UP MORE_ and _IDIOT_ follow in quick succession, and Taekwoon presses his palms to his eyes as hard as the bruises allow to stop the maudlin crying. Sanghyuk doesn't hate him, Sanghyuk isn't angry at him - at least not really, he thinks - and Sanghyuk still wants his friendship. That's more than enough, for now.

*

When the front doorbell goes Taekwoon immediately starts to panic inside his room. Sanghyuk is more than fifteen minutes early - didn't he say his school council meeting ended at five?!

Taekwoon sites on his bed, and then gets up, and then sits again. He doesn't know how long his mother will keep Sanghyuk talking in the hall before Sanghyuk will come in, and he at least wants to present an image of somewhat calm and collectedness -

Footsteps coming closer, and then -

"Oh, my god," Sanghyuk says, standing his his bedroom doorway staring at him with a hand half-lifted to his mouth in shock. Taekwoon ducks his head and tries to look rueful, though how well it's coming through on his bruised face is anybody's guess.

"Fuck, Taekwoon," Sanghyuk says, coming closer, and Taekwoon thinks absently how much he likes it when Sanghyuk swears. "You look - fuck."

Taekwoon is made to stand still for inspection, Sanghyuk looking over his face and taking inventory of the rest of him while Taekwoon just wants to jump under his covers and hide.

"Are you hurt here?" Sanghyuk asks, laying one finger against Taekwoon's right upper arm.

"There? No," Taekwoon stammers, and Sanghyuk swings back and punches him square in the bicep.

"OW!" Taekwoon fairly screeches, holding his arm in huge confusion and indignance. "What-"

"That's for not telling me anything. And then refusing to reply me all this time. That's alos for being an idiot and not telling one of the teachers gang members are after you-"

"Shh!" Taekwoon clamps a hand over Sanghyuk's mouth, gaze darting to his open door. "My mother thinks it was just another stupid brawl with a senior. You can't let her know about that. Also way to hurt someone who's already injured!"

"You deserve it. I was so worried," Sanghyuk says, walking over to Taekwoon's bed to sit down so that he misses the blossom of happiness that passes over Taekwoon's face. "Now are you going to tell me what happened?"

Taekwoon shrugs, and then sees the dangerous look on Sanghyuk's face and thinks he needs to protect his left arm. "That other school's player really did know someone from Seunggi's gang, I guess. They cornered me after school outside the gates and clearly wanted teachers to see, maybe? I shouldn't have fought back," Taekwoon said, trying to avoid Sanghyuk's eyes.

"But why is this Seunggi guy so up to beat on you whenever and wherever?"

Taekwoon purses his mouth. "It's going to sound very stupid."

Sanghyuk just glares.

"Last year my noona.. the second eldest? She got stupidly involved with one of the guys from Seunggi's gang. After a while she didn't want to see him anymore but he wasn't going to let her dump him and he wouldn't leave her alone, so - well."

"Are you telling me you beat up a gang member to make him leave your noona alone?"

Taekwoon nods.

"When you were fifteen years old."

Taekwoon nods again.

"And how old was this guy?"

Taekwoon shrugs. "Eighteen? Nineteen? I don't know."

"I'm surprised they didn't ask you to join their gang," Sanghyuk said sarcastically.

"They did. I said no. That's doubly why they're out to get me, I think."

Sanghyuk just stares at him. "Is your life a damn television drama?"

Where the hero is also gay and has a huge crush on his class president? Taekwoon thinks. Sounds like a tv drama, alright.

"I told you it sounded stupid," Taekwoon mutters.

"Stupid, but also kind of amazing," Sanghyuk tells him grudgingly. "Well, all we have to do now is clear things up with your football team."

"What?" Taekwoon says in alarm. "I think we should just leave it-"

"No, they deserve to know, Woonie," Sanghyuk answers firmly, and then cracks up at the spasm of horror that crosses Taekwoon's face at the abbreviation of his name. "Yeah, that's right. Do things my way or I'm going to call you that in front of everyone."

"But-"

"No buts. Aren't you tired of all this?"

Taekwoon looks down. "I don't think people are going to believe you."

"You're forgetting who I am," Sanghyuk says airily, leaning back on his hands smugly. Taekwoon gazes at Sanghyuk's fingers splayed out over his bedsheets.

"Why are you doing this for me?"

"Stupid question," Sanghyuk mumbles. "Look, I really did bring you your homework. Do you want it? Also do you think I can invite myself to dinner?"

"Sure," Taekwoon nods quickly, grabbing at the bonus of having Sanghyuk all to himself all evening. "Sure."

"Great," Sanghyuk smiles at him, and Taekwoon feels himself relaxing in one flow of warmth all the way down to the soles of his feet.

*


	2. two

_-It's weird not having you in class._

_-miss me already?_

"Sanghyuk!"

Sanghyuk wipes the smile off his face and quickly looks up, shoving his phone under his desk. "Yes, ssaem?"

"Do you want me to take your phone?"

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"It better not."

The teacher continues, and Sanghyuk takes a small calming breath. Lucky for him Kang seonsaengnim is lenient - anyone else would have complained to the student council head about his behaviour, and truth be told Sanghyuk _should_ be more embarrassed about being caught texting in class. Sanghyuk shifts in his seat only to catch sight of Sungjae in the next aisle staring at him, expression stony. Sungjae doesn't give him a chance to react but looks resolutely to the front once more; Sanghyuk grits his teeth. He's going to have to ask Namjoo what to do about this.

The lesson ends and Sanghyuk waits until the very moment Kang ssaem leaves the classroom. 

- _Nearly got my phone confiscated because of you._

_\- such risks you're taking just to talk to me. You really must miss me that much._

_\- Shut up. What if I do?_

_\- knew it._

 

Taekwoon feels like good and bad are both weighing on him equally, light and heavy at the same time. Sanghyuk misses him. Sanghyuk thinks he can fix all of Taekwoon's problems, but Sanghyuk doesn't realise things are not that easily fixed with words.

_"If he gets into another fight he will be expelled," the discipline mistress tells his mother, and Taekwoon sitting next to her in the principal's office feels his heart speed up so fast it's a roaring in his ears. "Six fights in a year - and this latest one involving students from another school. Taekwoon, it would be better if you would just tell us what is going on."_

_"It's just - friends of a senior that I fought with before," Taekwoon manages to say, not looking at anybody. "I didn't start this fight."_

_"So you always say, Taekwoon, so you always say."_

Sanghyuk thinks explaining to the football team will really be that easy - Taekwoon never really cared before about what his teammates thought about him. That was before Sanghyuk, before he started making friends, before his coach had taken a chance on him and let him play for longer than just as a sub. It was all a mess, and that's just how it all is.

 _I'm going to talk to your captain after school today_ comes another message from Sanghyuk, and Taekwoon wants to yell at the little flutter of hope inside his chest.  _This will all be sorted out by the time you come back to school, I promise._

 

_*_

 

"-Oh! Sir! Can I have a minute?" Sanghyuk darts after Lee seonsaengnim, sports head and teacher in charge of football. He was on his way to meet with Taekwoon's captain but this is even better and more direct; Lee seonsaengnim turns and slows, moving to one side of the busy corridor. 

"Yes?"

"This is about Jung Taekwoon's suspension from the team. I need to tell you something important."

"And who are you?"

"I'm his friend - his class president. Han Sanghyuk, I'm on the student council?" Sanghyuk smiles, hoping that would cement his credibility.

"What is this about?"

"I just needed to tell you, sir, that he's not getting into all these fights for nothing. He's not a troublemaker, he doesn't go looking for it. He's got gang members that want to get him in trouble, sir, like for the last match. They beat him up on purpose so he he would miss it."

Lee seonsaengnim looks at Sanghyuk, expression grim. "Are you telling me he's in a gang?"

"No! Not him. These are gang members from another school that - uh, he's a target because he stopped them from doing something. I just wanted to make sure you knew - Taekwoon isn't responsible for this. In fact he needs to be protected from them. Who knows what these gang members will do next? And it's not fair if he gets expelled for something that's not his fault or is suspended from playing-"

Lee seonsaengnim holds out a hand, stopping Sanghyuk. "I get the picture. Why are you telling me this instead of Taekwoon himself telling the discipline mistress?"

"He-" Sanghyuk halts. "I don't think he feels anyone would believe him."

"Right. Thank you for the information."

Sanghyuk watches Lee seonsaengnim walk off, feeling strangely unsettled.

 

"Where the hell were you?" Sungjae looks up from his math textbook as Sanghyuk slides into the seat opposite him, thirty minutes late for their study session. "Everybody's been glaring at me for hoarding this two-seater table."

"Sorry," Sanghyuk makes a face, and then pauses wondering if he should really tell Sungjae the truth about where he was. "I was talking to Lee ssaem the sports head."

"Why, thinking of joining football for your precious Taekwoon?"

Sanghyuk looks up, unimpressed, mood immediately dropping. "Why do you have to do that?"

"Why are you so obsessed with him?" Sungjae counters.

"I am not  _obsessed_! He's my friend!"

"You used to dislike him and suddenly he's your best friend. I thought  _I_ was your best friend."

"Jealousy is really not a good look on you, Jae."

"I wouldn't be jealous if you'd just treat me as well as you treat him!"

Sanghyuk stops to take a breath, trying to repress the alarm that's making his temper flare. Sungjae is  _right_ , he has a point - but Sanghyuk knows the reason why he's spending so much time with Taekwoon and it's not platonic, and Sungjae  _cannot_ know about that. 

"Jae, I'm sorry. I really am. I want to be friends with you the same as we've always been, and I know i've been neglecting you. I'm going to work on managing my time better, okay?"

Sungjae just looks at him. "Am I being dumped?"

"Yook Sungjae!" Sanghyuk thuds his head down onto his textbook. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I mean it. If I'm being dumped you have to tell me clearly and obviously so I can leave your ass first."

"How can I dump you if we're not even in a relationship?"

"We're not?" Sungjae answers, indignantly, but he can't keep up the pretense for long and cracks a smile.

Sanghyuk merely groans, glad that for now the old Sungjae he knows is back and that the crisis has passed. 

"I'm a very jealous girlfriend," Sungjae warns him, going back to his books. "I don't take well to other people muscling in on my Sanghyuk."

"Clearly," Sanghyuk answers faintly, feeling the old panic kick in again.

 

_-You're back today, right?? Why aren't you in class yet?_

_-i have to see the principal with my mother first_ Taekwoon types back to Sanghyuk, sitting in the principal's office next to his mother who's holding his hand. He's not sure if it's because she's nervous or she thinks he is. He catches his reflection in one of the glass cabinets lining the wall and feels thankful the suspension was for two weeks - his face looks more or less back to normal, with only a few scratches still remaining on his cheek. At least he won't have to put up with stares from the other students because he's walking around looking like a punching bag.

When the principal comes in she outlines the usual - rules for conduct, warnings for next time, only she makes it clear this time there will not be a next time. Taekwoon tries hard to keep his face impassive.

"One more thing," she adds. "One of your friends apparently told the sports head that the fights you get into are gang-related. Is that true?"

Taekwoon's mother gasps and turns to him, and Taekwoon's throat tightens at the principal's wording. This doesn't feel good - Sanghyuk wouldn't have been so careless as to make it sound like Taekwoon is in a gang too, right? Taekwoon forces himself to swallow.

"The guys who came after me the most recent time are gang members. I'm not in any gang."

"And they did this on purpose so you wouldn't be able to play in the match you had that day?"

"I - I think so."

"You never told me this!" Taekwoon's mother squeezes his hand hard, making him look at her. "What's going on?"

"How many of the fights you've been in have been with gang members, Taekwoon?"

"Not all, some of them," Taekwoon replies, breathing quickly.

"And do you think they are likely to come after you again?"

Taekwoon glances at his mother. "Yes."

"I see," the principal leans back in her seat. "I wish you'd told me this earlier so we could have tried to help you from the start. But right now.. Taekwoon, I'm going to have to keep you off the football team until we can get this sorted. It's a specific request from the sports head."

Taekwoon feels the floor drop away from underneath him. "What?"

"He's concerned for the safety of the other team members and I agree with him. There's no predicting what gang members may do and in the past we have had cases where the students around a gang's target were hurt just to get to him. We cannot take any chances here especially until we know more about who these people are. It was also his request that you be kept off the team to help with stability. You being suspended on and off like this doesn't help the team's bonding and dynamics."

Taekwoon nods dumbly, hardly registering the words.

"But once we have dealt with this of course you will be free to join the team once more."

Taekwoon nods again. He looks at his mother and the worry lines on her face, and the principal, and the empty chair next to her where the sports head may have sat. They'll never let him back on the team.

 

Taekwoon enters his classroom by the back door and sits down quietly, not looking at anybody. He's not sure why this time it matters so much - why it hurts so badly.

He can see Sanghyuk try to get his attention from out of the corner of his eye but he doesn't turn around, and class begins too quickly for him to come over. Taekwoon knows Sanghyuk had just been trying to help, but right now Taekwoon wishes Sanghyuk had just minded his own damn business. 

Football had been the one thing that had made everything bearable - no friends? No problem. Seniors picking on him because they heard about the fights he'd been in and wanted to compare dick sizes? No problem. But then he'd started making friends, and he'd played in a real match, and now everything matters way too much.

 _we have had cases where the students around a gang's target were hurt just to get to him_  

What if this happens to Sanghyuk?

Taekwoon slowly lowers his head to his desk and closes his eyes. He knows the teacher will ignore him.

 


	3. three

"Taekwoon. Taekwoon!"

Taekwoon can hear the impatience in Sanghyuk's aggrieved tone but he doesn't stop walking down the corridor, pushing students aside if necessary. Classes ended late today - and he'd had to endure the whole day or people whispering about him but nobody actually talking to him - by lunchtime of course everybody had found out he had a gang on his tail, courtesy of the football team. He hadn't let Sanghyuk catch him during lunch either, escaping to the roof faster than Sanghyuk could have followed.

"For fuck's sake! Will you  _stop_?"

Sanghyuk is getting angry. Taekwoon rounds a corner at speed.

 

_we didn't know what was really happening_ comes the message, and Taekwoon stares at it for longer than needed.

_we thought you just didn't care about getting suspended. about the team. you should have said something._

would it have made a difference- Taekwoon types back to Donghyun and then erases. He's being disgustingly self-pitying, adding to the anger he feels at himself.  _doesn't matter. i'm still off the team. and i don't think they're going to let me back on._

_we're trying to talk to the coach about it. see if he can persuade them._

Taekwoon pushes his phone away and turns over in bed.

 

Sanghyuk wakes him up from his impromptu nap with an ungentle shake to his shoulder. Taekwoon looks at him blankly, and then narrows his eyes towards his bedroom door. His mother is a traitor.

"Rise and shine, drama queen!" Sanghyuk announces, but there is a bite to his words that take the joke right out of them. Taekwoon doesn't want to deal with this right now.

"Sanghyuk-"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Do you want me to make a list?" Taekwoon answers sarcastically, sitting up. 

"We've been over this," Sanghyuk argues, ignoring him. "Stop shutting me out!"

"I'm off the football team thanks to you," Taekwoon says before he can think about the words, and Sanghyuk draws away slightly.

"You know I didn't mean for that to happen," Sanghyuk begins after a pause, neither of them looking at each other. "I'm sorry. I didn't think that's what the sports head would do."

"It makes sense," Taekwoon mutters. He's not angry at Sanghyuk, not really - and yet.

"Is that why you're avoiding me?"

_Yes, among other reasons why I should avoid you_ , Taekwoon thinks, trying not to look at Sanghyuk's mouth.

"It's not safe to be around me, you should go," Taekwoon says, unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice as he moves to get out of bed.

"Will you stop-" Sanghyuk grabs Taekwoon's arm to stop him - Taekwoon sees it happen from outside himself. The kiss happens so fast Taekwoon can't remember exactly how it happened or who moved in first, but he's brought back to himself with a crash as they both sit frozen, staring at each other.

 

Sanghyuk puts one foot in front of each other carefully, counting his steps. He's trying not to think, keeping his mind blank and filling the space with his breathing. He's not going to think about it. It shouldn't have happened this way, not like this; in the middle of a mess of emotions and problems. Sanghyuk catches himself - does that mean he thinks it would have happened eventually anyway? How long has he known this was where everything was leading?

Sanghyuk takes out his phone and dials Namjoo's number.

"Long time no hear, Hyuksang."

"Joonam, help me," Sanghyuk begs.

 

"Oh," Sanghyuk's mother breaks into a wide delighted smile when she looks up from her newspaper to see Sanghyuk walk into the house with Namjoo in tow. "Namjoo!"

"Don't start," Sanghyuk warns her, Namjoo hiding a laugh behind her hand as she follows Sanghyuk into the kitchen to get a drink. "Hello, eomeoni."

"You should come over more often," Sanghyuk's mother calls after them. "Spend more time together!"

"Kinda ironic," Namjoo grins once they're ensconced in Sanghyuk's room, jerking her head in the direction of the living room where the Namjoo-Sanghyuk shipping mother of Sanghyuk is. Namjoo swivels a little in Sanghyuk's desk chair to meet Sanghyuk's glare. 

"Don't you dare start making jokes now."

"Was it your first kiss?" Namjoo asks abruptly, possibly if only to see Sanghyuk's cheeks slowly pinken.

"You know it was. Our kiss when we were seven doesn't count."

Namjoo looks at him, smile playing about her lips as Sanghyuk becomes more and more agitated. "What, Kim Namjoo, what?"

"You really like him."

Sanghyuk drops his head into his hands. "What am I going to do about this?"

"You're fucked," Namjoo agrees. "I want to say you can come live with me if your parents disown you for dating a boy but I'm not sure I can guarantee that."

Sanghyuk slowly looks up, and Namjoo lets the smile slide off her face. She reaches over and grabs his hand in awkward comfort. "That was a little too real, huh?"

"This thing can't happen, can it?" Sanghyuk asks, not sure what reply he wants.

Namjoo shrugs. "How good are you at keeping secrets? How much do you like him? Is he even worth it?"

"I don't even know what he wants," Sanghyum murmurs. "I don't think he's very happy with me at the moment, either."

"Well," Namjoo shrugs at him again. "You've always just done whatever you wanted. Just be careful, I guess."

"And that's it?" Sanghyuk raises an eyebrow at her.

"I'm sorry I didn't bring along the 'How to Secretly Be In A Gay Relationship' Handbook with me, alright?"

"I hate you," Sanghyuk falls back among his pillows with a rush of breath.

"I hate you too," Namjoo agrees, patting his thigh. "At least he's hot. And can fight off all your enemies."

"What enemies?" Sanghyuk frowns at her. "Everyone loves me."

"Now you're sounding like that kid from our middle school class,  Jaehwan."

"Ugh, I really hated him."

 

Taekwoon has worried his bottom lip so badly the past three hours it's become tender and red.  He needs to do something, say something to Sanghyuk -after multiple - a hundred, a thousand - dissections of The Kiss he thinks he must have been the one to initiate it; he leaned in first, pulling Sanghyuk slightly towards him by the hand Sanghyuk had on his arm, but Sanghyuk had moved the rest of the way in.

Taekwoon is bouncing off the walls. What does this mean?  _What does this mean?_

He wants to kiss Sanghyuk again - properly. Not in the middle of a pity party for one. The thought is terrifying.

_I'm sorry_ he types with his eyes closed and sends it to Sanghyuk, and then realises what it sounds like he's apologising for and panics. But then again - maybe Sanghyuk didn't want to be kissed so _I'm sorry_ would be a good way to play it safe??

_I mean for being mean to you. For saying it was your fault. I got caught up in being upset._ Taekwoon types quickly, heart slamming in his chest. I'm not sorry for kissing you- he begins, and then vehemently backspaces. But they can't just ignore what happened either??

Sanghyuk had met him halfway. That had to mean something.

Oh god, there's school tomorrow - Taekwoon cringes hard. How is he going to face Sanghyuk this way?

He hasn't moped about the football team for exactly three hours, Taekwoon realises.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Sanghyuk's phone vibrates and Sanghyuk takes one look at the name of the sender and panics.

"He's messaging!" he quickly shoves the phone at Namjoo, who thinks all of this would be amazing blackmail material if she were so inclined; she's never seen Sanghyuk so jittery and un-chill.

"Calm down," she teases, and Sanghyuk sends her a dirty look.

She reads the messages and then holds out the phone for Sanghyuk to see. "Simple enough. He's just apologising."

"What should I reply?"

Sanghyuk stares off into space, brain no doubt going double-speed, while Namjoo slowly tries to type surreptitiously. 

"What are you doing?" Sanghyuk demands suddenly, finally noticing Namjoo's thumbs move. "What are you typing!"

Namjoo holds the phone out of reach despite Sanghyuk's screeches, managing to press the 'send' button amidst laughing so hard at Sanghyuk's terrified face she drops the phone right on his head.

 

_i really likrtylynbegek vvvv_

Taekwoon stares at the message Sanghyuk just sent him, bewildered. What is this supposed to mean? He waits for an explanation to come but three, four, five minutes pass with nothing. and then:

_PLS IGNORE THAT LAST MESSAGE_

The ghost of a grin crosses Taekwoon's face. He doesn't know what's going on, but Sanghyuk can be so cute sometimes. 

_THANK YOU FOR APOLOGISING I'LL SEE YOU IN CLASS TMR_

Taekwoon lets his smile widen, and then he flops face-forward onto his bed. He's going to have to face Sanghyuk in school tomorrow. Not just face, but eyes and nose and specifically mouth as in the mouth that touched his mouth and - maybe he can call in sick.

 

Taekwoon doesn't know what time or subject or period it is. He blinks at the textbook spread open in front of him, and it's Biology - a glance at his neighbour's textbook tells him it's actually English. Sanghyuk shifts in his seat two aisles over and Taekwoon feels his skin start to burn.

"Sanghyuk? Would you like to answer?" the teacher asks and by the way Sanghyuk's head snaps up, he's having the same amount of trouble concentrating as Taekwoon.

"Uh-" Sanghyuk begins, and Sungjae quickly taps his table four times with one finger and Sanghyuk clears his throat. "The answer is option D."

"Good," the teacher smiles, oblivious. She turns away and Sanghyuk gratefully bumps Sungjae's outheld fist. Taekwoon has been jealous of their answering-questions system since he's been taken enough with Sanghyuk to observe how many times a day they do this in different classes.

Lunch is coming up. Taekwoon is  _dying_. Maybe he should just escape to the roof again.

"Taekwoon? Why don't you try?"

Taekwoon startles, and he's rewarded by the whole class turning around to look at him. He grits his teeth. He has no idea what the question had been, and he has no Sungjae to bail him out of a tight spot. He tries really, really hard not to look at Sanghyuk.

"Sorry?" he asks in his best polite voice.

"Read the second paragraph."

 _Oh, reading. No problem._ He looks up when he's done - the teacher only had to ask him to read louder once - and looks straight into Sanghyuk's face. Sanghyuk blinks, unprepared, and gives him a quick embarrassed smile, turning back to face front abruptly. It's so cute Taekwoon wants to coo.

"Thank you, Taekwoon. Remember in English pronunciation 'si' is not pronounced 'shi'. Sit."

The lunch bell eventually goes, Taekwoon immediately looks at Sanghyuk, who turns around to look at him. They hold eye contact for a moment, and then Taekwoon's churning stomach makes him lose his nerve.

"After school?" he calls out a little too loudly. Sanghyuk nods and grabs Sungjae, dragging him out of the classroom. 

 

*

 

After school Sanghyuk has to go to a student council meeting, then a study group session, then a consultation with a teacher - and Taekwoon has nothing. He's been waiting for three hours now haunting the library trying to focus and do his homework while berating himself over telling Sanghyuk they'll meet after school. He shouldn't have said  _anything_ but he panicked and now he's got at least another half hour ahead of him to wait and panic some more, so that's what he does. Why did he assume Sanghyuk wanted to talk? What on earth is he going to  _say_ to Sanghyuk? Does he pretend it wasn't serious? A joke? Sanghyuk wouldn't buy that for a second. There is absolutely no way to backpedal his way out of this and as the minutes go by he becomes less and less sure about Sanghyuk leaning in to kiss him too. It was a hallucination. Wishful thinking. A disaster and a catastrophe - 

"Hey."

Taekwoon is so on edge that he nearly throws his pen across the table at the greeting and he turns around too fast, startling Sanghyuk who already looks so nervous standing there that he gasps.

"You're done?" Taekwoon asks redundantly, feeling shellshocked by the sight of Sanghyuk this close like he's never seen Sanghyuk before. 

"Yeah," Sanghyuk answers and fidgets on the spot. "Um. Shall we go?"

"Where?" Taekwoon asks blankly, blinking, until he realises Sanghyuk means  _go home_. Feeling stupid and like his limbs are too long for him and like his fingers are fat sausages he gathers up his things while Sanghyuk tries to look casual. He's succeeding so well Taekwoon panics even more. Are they just going to ignore what happened? Carry on with life?

They walk out of school together and down the road to the bus stop they both take their respective buses home from, neither one saying a word until they reach the bus stop and sit down to walk. Taekwoon has a crisis over how to sit - too close or too far, or should he not sit at all - 

and it's then that Sanghyuk grabs his hand hidden in between them with a force that makes Taekwoon think something's happened; his head snaps up and he looks around urgently to see what the emergency is before he realises Sanghyuk is Holding His Hand.

Taekwoon stares at their hands and then stares at Sanghyuk, and then stares around at the empty bus stop and road - it's late and most students are already gone for the day, gone to after-school jobs or cram schools - and then back at Sanghyuk focusing fiercely on the shop opposite the bus stop as if he's glaring angrily at Song Joongki in the beer advertisement poster pasted to the shop's door.

Taekwoon takes a deep breath, heart pounding - 

"Shut up," Sanghyuk says, somewhat desperately. "Just shut up and let me hold your hand."

"Okay," Taekwoon retreats docilely. Sanghyuk's hand is clammy and Taekwoon's fingers are going to go numb soon from being held too tightly but Taekwoon feels the goofiest grin ever slowly break out over his face, irresistible and irrepressible. 

"I like you," Sanghyuk declares in the same desperate tone as before. "Do you like me?"

Taekwoon turns to him and nods so hard he feels like his head is about to fall off. 

"Okay. Good." Sanghyuk proclaims, and then falls silent.

Taekwoon's bus comes and Sanghyuk lets his hand go quickly, but Taekwoon doesn't move to get up the bus. When it leaves Taekwoon reaches out, bold after psyching himself up to it all the while the bus was unloading passengers, and entwines their fingers together on Sanghyuk's thigh. Softer this time and less grabby, and Taekwoon drinks in the sight of their hands together like this for the first time, aware Sanghyuk is doing the same.

"I like you so much," Taekwoon mumbles quietly, so quiet he isn't sure Sanghyuk knows he's saying something or just making a pleased sound. 

Three buses come and go with them sitting together on the bus stop bench, joined hands hidden by one of their bags until the sky starts to darken.

Sanghyuk takes Taekwoon's bus with him and walks him up to his apartment, Taekwoon feeling giddily happy and terribly awkward and like he couldn't stop smiling if his life depended on it.

"I'll text you," Sanghyuk promises, taking Taekwoon's hand once more. "Remember to study for tomorrow's test."

"Yeah. I will," Taekwoon beams at him. "I'll try, anyway. I foresee I'll be pretty distracted."

Sanghyuk smiles back, and Taekwoon wants to shout and holler and sing out praises to the neighbours of Sanghyuk's amazing face. "I should go, I'm crazy late."

Taekwoon steps in the same moment Sanghyuk steps away, and then Sanghyuk steps back in in a hurry while Taekwoon backs away. They finally figure it out and step into each other's arms, the goodbye hug tentative at first and then soul-sighingly good, Sanghyuk taller by about an inch so that Taekwoon can tuck his face into Sanghyuk's neck, surrounded by the scent of Sanghyuk's skin. Taekwoon is exploding; a simple hug should not feel this earth-shatteringly good.

"Bye," Sanghyuk whispers into Taekwoon's hair, and like tearing off a bandaid he turns and jogs off towards the lift, disappearing around a corner.

"Bye," Taekwoon mouths back, the bubble of joy making its way up his chest bursting over his face in a huge grin as he lets himself lean backwards onto his front door with a small thud.


End file.
